When you experience loss of any kind you may feel ALL, SOME or MORE than the feelings listed below. No two people will experience grief in exactly the same way and you may move backwards and forwards between stages, which is normal. There is no set time frame for moving through these stages either.
| Shock & Denial – Disbelief, Numbness | |
| Thoughts –
Chaotic, slowed, confused, efficient, suicidal. “This is not happening to me” “It didn’t REALLY happen” “I won’t accept/believe this is real” “Nothings changed I can carry on as normal” |
Behaviours –
Stick your head in the sand Temporary escape from reality Temporary anaesthesia
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| Moving out of shock & denial – reality dawns – emotional release
Eventual expression of emotion |
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| Sadness & Depression – low energy, fatigue, apathy, lack of direction | |
| Thoughts –
“No one feels or grieves like I do” “No one cares, not even God” “I’ll never get over this” |
Feelings –
Loneliness Guilt & Self pity Lump in the throat |
| Physical Symptoms –
Tearful General aches & pains, immune system affected Sleep disturbance – dreams/nightmares Appetite & eating patterns change |
Behaviours –
Avoid situations or people that remind you of the one you are grieving for Stop activities you used to find enjoyable |
| Anger & Resentment – a grumbling, simmering irritability | |
| Thoughts –
“How could you let this happen” or “ How could this happen to me” “It’s not fair” |
Feelings –
A rage like anger directed at others Self blame Blaming others |
| Fear & Bargaining (with God) – distracted, disconnected, unable to concentrate | |
| Thoughts –
“If only I had…” or “If only we had…” “Lets make a deal” prayers “I’m losing my mind/memory” or “I cant think straight” |
Feelings –
Panic, doubt and mistrust Fear of losing your mind or mental health Fear of the unknown |
| Resistance – an unwillingness to let go of the sadness & feelings of loss | |
| Thoughts –
“If I let go of the person I’ve lost I will be abandoning them” “If I accept my grief and move on I will be separated from the one I lost” “I must keep the memories alive or I may forget him/her” “I don’t deserve to put this experience behind me” |
Feelings –
Nursing negative feelings Keeping the memories alive at all cost Guilt & shame |
| Acceptance & Letting go – Reaffirming & re-evaluating reality | |
| Thoughts –
“I have peace of mind again” “I can accept what has happened without it overwhelming me” “I can now get on with my life” “I can forgive those who hurt me and forgive myself” |
Feelings –
Peace of mind Hope Lump in the throat is smaller Accept self Self esteem restored |
TOP TIPS:
Today’s event will be tomorrow’s history so take care of now.
Build opportunities that allow you to make each stage of the grief process your guide to a new you. And allow yourself the freedom to experience your loss in your own way.
- You are unique and your loss experience is personal to you
- Be kind to yourself
- Give yourself TIME
- Don’t demand too much of yourself
- Don’t be pressured by others to “be over the loss by now”
REMEMBER: Losses are an emotional injury, which the stages of grief help you to cope with as part of a natural healing process. The greater and more painful the loss the more time it will take to heal.